| Short Lawyer Jokes |
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Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice. A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!" The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!" Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland. Q: What?s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more. Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them. A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: "Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!" The defendant answered, "No, we won." Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?" Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t." Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client?s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence." Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?" Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left." |
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