| Short Medical Jokes |
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A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too. Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails? Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else. Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you. Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Trish: Really? What color? David: My wife beats me, doctor. Doctor: Oh dear. How often? David: Every time we play Scrabble! Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer. Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown. Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it! Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing? Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet. Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place! Doctor: I am, bit by bit.
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